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slowly committing sin
scars of life
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a dream obscene
i've been meaning to write about placebo's gigs last week for a few days now but i just can't find the words. you wouldn't get it, unless you were me.
anyway, i've got tickets to see them again in birmingham and london this week. vip tickets given me by the boys themselves. i'm really really looking forward to it. i hope i get to take a couple days off so i can go.
christmas season has officialy started with the first rendition of wham's last christmas and the drinking of the first bottle of wine at the office while signing christmas cards and making a list of all the people we need to invite to our christmas party, which i'm not dreading as much as i did last year.
give in to sin
i've forgotten entire conversations, i've missed whole days and a lot of memories are lost. i have no recollection of what i did since i last posted an entry. it seems i can't keep up with life anymore.
at the end of the day it seems i've got nothing done but in fact i'm working my ass off and - in the meantime - i still get to have fun and enjoy life.
i've been to london with a. for my birthday back in september. it's been a surreal experience. i've been to london many times - i've even lived there. i know the city. i know its smell. i know its backstreets. but beeing there with a. made it seem like a different city altogether.
i've been to a couple fashion shows in london and milan.
i spend most friday and saturday nights out in clubs, bars and restaurants.
to top it all, i'm going to see placebo play on monday and tuesday. and i'm going to meet the guys once again.
xmas is approaching, which means i'll get two weeks off. i just need to figure out what i want to do and where i want to go. somewhere warm possibly. somewhere far, far away. somewhere where i'm required to wear a bikini and sunglasses. somewhere where meals consist in cocktails and fresh fruit.
from the very first day me and luca became friends, death became a close friend too. a constant thought, in the very back of my mind. that happens when you’re friend with a drug addict. i’d spend days looking for him - in dark alleys and dirty toilets - my heart pounding with fear. i haven’t been back in that dark place and i haven’t experienced such dread since we drifted apart. we’d still hang out from time to time, i’d buy him lunch or a few books he’d read sitting in the park and we’d talk.
death found him. he’s forever gone.
and even though i knew this day would come, i just can’t believe that day is today. is easier to co-habitate with death when you think of it as something that might but also might not happen in a near future. there’s always the chance - the hope - it will not.
as i read his name in the paper, i saw our life together pass me by like a black/white old movie and - strange thing is life - in a moment of mourning i couldn’t think of all the fear and the sadness he put me through. only the long talks and loud laughs, the bus rides and my phone number forever inked into one of his many books.
20th-Jul-2009 04:56 pm - i'm with the band
a dream obscene
those who know me, know what placebo - their music - mean to me. those who don’t, just listen to their songs and you’ll get a clear picture of who i really am. it’s all there, the melody of my life. so i won’t bother anyone with tales of last night’s concert.
i met the band - the perks of working in pr. we had drinks before and dinner after the concert, then off we went to a club. it was a crazy night, short of expectations but dense of emotions.
the guys are great. i just can’t believe when fans say they’re rude. brian still remembered the night we watched depeche mode together. a cigarette shared. a toast with tasteless beer. stef still remembered my name from when we met in milan. steve is a lovely guy, very chatty and always smiling - as much as i miss old steve, i think he’s a great addition to the band, a breath of fresh air.
they gave me aaa passes and invited me to go see/meet them tomorrow night - which i’ll probably do. i need a day off and i can’t think of a better excuse to get a break and ride this wave of emotions.
pink doll
time for a quick update.
last week i had the talk with my boyfriend. sunday mornings are to cuddle in bed, share kisses over brunch and make love in the long afternoons. not to talk about the future. a year is a long time – but not quite enough to have figured out the rest of my life.
work is absolutely crazy. i’ve worked at some of our main events until 3 in the morning thursday through sunday. it’s cool to get paid to party but i don’t get paid enough to have drunk clients flirting with me while their wives are chatting among themselves. who said the one of pr was a glamorous world?
i’m probably going to cannes for a couple of days over the weekend. my boyfriend has a place out there. how cool is that?
3rd-Jun-2009 02:46 pm - i see paris i see france
i haven't had some time off in quite a while and it feels good to be home when everybody's at work and i have the apartment to myself. my boss insisted i take the afternoon off because i'm leaving for paris later today. i have to attend a work do tomorrow night and make sure that everything's set and that everyone we invited is having a good time, providing them with champagne and hors d'ouvre. hopefully i'll get some time to meet with my friends, even if it's just for a drink and a chat.
i'll be back in the office on friday. i'm planning an event that takes up all my time. i've been working 14 hours a day. yesterday i sneaked out to smoke a cigarette and have a cup of coffee and ended going on a short but intense and much needed shopping spree.
i need to paint my nails and pack. maybe take a nap.
a dream obscene
london’s already a faded memory.
work is crazy and it will be until the end of july. i’m planning a few big events and i’m gonna spend a lot of time in the office and i'll still have to bring work home with me - which is something i hate to do. i’m dedicated to my job, but i like to stop thinking about it the minute i step outside and head home. i’ll also have to work a few events - which means i’ll have to physically be there in the evenings. i’ll probably have to go to paris for a press conference, but that’s good ‘cause it’s a free trip to paris and i’ll probably get to meet my friends and spend a couple of hours with them.
anyway, london was great. everytime i leave i feel homesick as if i wasn’t coming home to my life, my friends and boyfriend.
placebo were great - they played a bunch of new songs and now i can’t wait to get my hands on their new cd and i’m absolutely excited to see them again twice in july.
i went to see pete doherty, but his concert turned into an unexpected libertines reunion, which was lots of fun. there was so much talking about the millions they had been offered to do a reunion, but in true libertines style they decided to do it out of the blue and for charity.
i’ve spent time with sim - drinking into the night and getting emotional about what’s been and will never be again. the bad things, the hard times, the cruel fights, the sad comedowns, the wrong decisions. i wouldn’t love him as much as i do if we hadn’t gone through those things together.
20th-Apr-2009 08:55 pm - dream brother, my killer, my lover
pink doll
it’s been a while since i last updated my lj and last time it was bad news.
on a more cheerful note, me and a. are still together and going strong. i can’t believe it’s been a year since we first hook up. if someone had told me it’d be a long lasting relationship, i’d never have believed them. i’ve stopped believing in for evers the day i cheated on evan, but it feels good to be with someone who thinks the future is a promise and not just a tomorrow.
sim secured tickets to see placebo perform in london in may. placebo are also playing the festival in my hometown and, as we’re in charge for the vip area, i’m gonna meet them. i don’t care if the other bands are crap (amy mcdonald, duffy, paolo nutini, tracy chapman...) because just the fact that placebo are gonna be the closing act makes me excited. i’m probably going to the paleo festival too to see placebo (yet again) and pete doherty, which is my new favourite artist. i’ve always loved his stuff since the libertines released their first song, but his first solo record is a masterpiece – probably because is more mellow and intimate.
work’s as crazy as always. i’m putting together a few events and i’m doing pr work for a couple companies. i’m fed up with some people, but i don’t let it get to me or i’d spend my work days getting mad over petty arguments.
sam’s getting married and is gonna be a dad very soon. he came over last week, unannounced and unexpected, to deliver the good news and to invite me to the wedding. i’m skeptical about him starting a family, but he seems happy and i have to trust him.
i succumbed to facebook and got myself an account. so, if you want to add me the link is http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/profile.php?id=1499341092&ref=profile
i don’t have much time to update, but i definitely use it more than LJ cause is quickier.
pretty from the back
my nan died on thursday. she was 96, had an amazing life and had never been physically sick. she just fell asleep and never woke up again. it's a sad thing really, but knowing that she died peacefully in her own home and didn't have to live through the hell of illness reclused in some elderly home is a relief.
i went to the funeral on saturday. it was really weird to be back where i spent the best part of my childhood. things haven't changed a bit in the past 15 years. streets and houses have the same look they had when i was a child. my nan's home looks just the same, but now that i've grown up it looks a lot smaller.
i met aunts and uncles and cousins i hadn't seen in such a long time. it was sad to be reunited in such sad circumstances but i was happy to see them, especially my cousins. we used to spend all our summers at our nans and we grew up together. the last time i saw them, we were kids with shorts and blood on our knees. now we're all grown-ups and our lives have taken such different directions - some are married with kids, some have important jobs, some are still looking for that thing that's gonna make their life perfect - but we had a great time discussing who we are and recollecting our most memorable childhood adventures in front of a glass of wine and we made plans to get together again soon.
i met people i had my first crushes on and who didn't even notice me back then. they've all turned into men with beer bellies or weird haircuts. and the girls they had crushes on, they've turned into their mums.
a. was there with me. he held my hand, he discussed soccer with my uncles, kids with my aunts. he shared jokes with my cousins. my parents ignored us, apart from a very uncomfortale nod. i've learnt not to care. i know they're never going to acknowledge the fact that i made it, that i got myself a wonderful life without their help, that i got myself a boyfriend who's not a loser and who truly loves me.
i love a. even more now for going through this with me.
carnival’s officially over. it’s been a crazy month - dancing from party to party, drinking the night away. i’ve come through to the other side with bruises and phone numbers i’m never going to use. i’ve spent lots of money, i’ve neglected my boyfriend.
i’m thinking that maybe, at 27, i’m too old for this. i keep hearing of people settling down, moving in with their partner, getting a mortgage, getting married, having kids and i wonder if i got all my priorities wrong or if i’m just not there yet. i’ve been constantly hungover for the past month and i’m having the blues.
last thursday i’ve been to pete doherty’s promotional gig. the crowd was extremely boring, but the show itself was very good. it was just pete and his acoustic guitar. he played some of the new songs from his solo record and many from the libertines and babyshambles. i finally got to meet him. we had a lovely chat - he’s really sweet and cute and so so very charming.
the weather’s shit again after a couple weeks of sun. all i’ve planned for the next few days - until the weekend - is to rest, catch up on my favourite tv shows, read some of the magazines that have piled up on my nighttable and have a full pampering session.
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